This is a reminder of the consequences of the recent NDP budget cutbacks. Our "Elf" budget has been cut by 25%, and our "Present" budget by 35%. Furthermore we have been required to lay off Mrs. Clause. Due to simultaneous drastic increases in reindeer feed, we have killed two of our reindeer, and also fed them to the remaining ones. (You will be pleased to hear however that Rudolph has been spared, and that we are now running with a balanced budget.)
However, these times have required some drastic measures. Any house not displaying a certificate of "Safe Fireplace" and of "Available Milk and Cookies" will not be visited by Santa Clause this year. The second certificate is needed since we no longer feed the fat bastard.
Thank you for your understanding in this matter, and our apologies for any inconvenience this may have caused.
Fredrick Associate Chief Elf
cc. Santa Clause - North Pole
cc. Mrs. Clause - Unemployment Office
cc. Rudolph - Head of Association Against Cruelty to Reindeer