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Women - A Chemical Analysis

HAZARDOUS MATERIALS

ELEMENT: Woman

SYMBOL: WO2

DISCOVERER: Adam

ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as around 70kg, but known to vary from 45kg to 150kg.

FOUND: Copious quantities in all areas.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
Surface usually covered with painted film, boils at nothing, freezes without reason, melts if given special treatment, bitter if incorrectly used, found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones, absorbs great quantities of expensive substances, may explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no apparent reason, insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol, most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES
Highly ornamental, especially in a sports car, can be a great aid to relaxation.

TESTS
Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in its natural state, turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

HAZARDS
Highly dangerous except in experienced hands; illegal to possess more than one.